The Day the Music Fried

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H2Oz
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue May 12, 2015 2:21 pm

The Day the Music Fried

Post by H2Oz »

Let's face it, life would be a lot better if everybody everywhere had his own theme music. I mean, if some big movie or TV hero just gets into his car and DRIVES somewhere, a whole symphony orchestra suddenly cranks up with blasting trumpets and pounding drums and such, and you KNOW that some heavy stuff is about to come down!

And, deep in your heart, you know -- KNOW, mind you! -- that because YOU are a REAL person and not some fictional character, because YOU are the hero of YOUR life... well, my friends, in any truly JUST universe, YOU would deserve something like that.

I mean, who among us, while hurtling down the highway toward some ramp or launch site, hasn't psyched himself up with some favorite tunes blasting out of the dashboard, right?
But, always, there's that inevitable letdown when a little voice in some tiny corner of your brain reminds you: "Yeah, but it'll never be PERFECT, because it's not ABOUT kayakfishing, it's just some ROCK song! I want some *KAYAKFISHING* music!!"

Well, gentlemen, today is the day that we all take one tiny step forward toward a great sea-change in American culture -- the birth of Kayakfishing Rock n' Roll! Sure, it won't catch on all at once. Cultural paradigm shifts take time. Maybe the next step will happen in some sleazy dockside dive, when a totally hammered old kayakfishing guide who got skunked that day decides to change Karaoke Night forever. Maybe some late-night DJ at a 50-watt teakettle in Steinhatchee gets some bad 'shrooms and goes "ALL kayakfishin' music, ALL the time!" But I submit to you that, at last, our long national nightmare will soon be over.

And so, complete with italicized mouth-guitar pseudo-sounds for your further enjoyment, here are the complete lyrics to.....

"Fish Pigs" by Yack Sabbath

DUH-duh!
Fishes gathered in their masses
DUH-duh!
Spotted trout and channel basses
DUH-duh!
Some use fangs for bait destruction
DUH-duh!
Some use grinding teeth and suction
DUH-duh!
On the flats the baitball's churning
DUH-duh!
As the spinning reels keep turning... Oh, Lord yeah!

DUH-duh... da-duh-duh-DUUUUH-DUUUUH
DUH-duh... da-duh-duh-DUUUUH-DUUUUH

(Fiddler crabs just hide themselves away
They only started the war
Why should they go out and get devoured
When they can dig into the shore?)

DUH-duh!
Now at sunrise tide starts turning
DUH-duh!
Mud clouds where the rays are churning
DUH-duh!
No more redfish have the power
DUH-duh!
Walk-the-Dog has struck the hour
DUH-duh!
Day of Judgment, drags are squawling
DUH-duh!
Dorsals up and redfish hauling
DUH-duh!
Begging mercy for their sins
DUH-duh!
Kayakfisherman laughs and grins... Oh, Lord yeah!

DUH-duh... da-duh-duh-DUUUUH-DUUUUH
DUH-duh... da-duh-duh-DUUUUH-DUUUUH

(DISCLAIMER: Only a few dozen beers were harmed during the production of this head-tune.)

Sincerely,

Ozzie Oz-Bum
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H2Oz
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue May 12, 2015 2:21 pm

Re: The Day the Music Fried

Post by H2Oz »

Trust me, things could have gotten a lot uglier. Some of the OTHER voices in my head suggested things like.....

The Allman Brothers:

Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feeeeeeeeel
Like I've been tiiiiiiiiiiied to a stakeout pole
Tiiiiiiiiiied to a stakeout pole
Good Lord, I feel like I'm fishin'

Van Halen:

I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,
I'm hot for sheepshead!

Steppenwolf:

Get my paddle churnin'
Head out on a smooth bay
Lookin' for some big snook
Or whatever comes my way
Yeah, God, I'm gonna make it happen
Grab the world with a redfish wrench
Fire all of my lures at once and
Give my Spook a good quench
Born to be spoo-oo-oooooled.....

Springsteen:

The crate lid slams, rubber skirt waves
Like a vision she dances across the flats
While the silver king plays.....

Stones:

DOT-DOT da-da-DAAAAH
I can't GET no!
No, I can't GET no!
Slot-sized FLOUNder!
DOT-DOT da-da-DAAAAH

From there, it devolved into things like John Pflueger Trollinchamp, you know?

And don't even get me STARTED on the country and western stuff!
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