bunch of beer - I like a 12 pack of Yeungling - most of my recipes start with this ingredient
1 cheap bottle of white wine - the dryer and cheaper the better - some of my recipes start with this ingredient
bunch of shrimp - I went with 1 pound
bunch of chicken - dunno - about 6-8 thighs, 3-4 breasts - boned/deboned no worries - boned cooks slower
bunch of onions - I like about 4-5 medium to large
bunch of green peppers - I like about 3-4
bunch of black beans - I'm lazy so two big Goya cans of it (I want to say they are 16/24 oz, but it really doesn't matter - just get a bunch)
bunch of churrizo - I like about 4 big uns
bunch of garlic - at least 1 head - maybe more if you REALLY like garlic
olive oil - about a cup or so (who measures) - just have a bottle
spanish yellow rice - I like the big packs one 16oz will do for about 10-12 people
some Cuban bread - if you don't know what this is stop here and just consume beer
some mothers - optional, but helpful for Mother's Day
another bottle of wine - decent stuff for the meal
some rum and pina coloda mix- I prefer Bacardi (yes they were Cuban) - most of my recipes finish with this ingredient
Step 1 - the opening scene
- Open a beer and consume, sit down, repeat 3-4 times; think of it as marinading for the cook; if the wife/mother gives you grief ask her if she wants paella or not; then have another beer
- once kitchen protocol has been established, you may now commence
- dice a bunch of onions - 3 should do
- dice 1 big ol' green pepper;2 if you like
- cut two chorizos up - about 1/8-1/4" thick
- press about 4-5 cloves of garlic - more if you like
- put in a bunch of olive oil in big ol pot that can hold all the back beans with about 1-2" to spare - I think mine is 2 quarts; cover the whole bottom with enough oil
- throw in the onions, green peppers, chorizo, and garlic - saute everything up until it's "happy"; happy is when someone walks in the house and says - "Damn what smells good?"; eveyone is now happy
- thrown in all the beans
- bring that to a boil; then simmer; I did it the night before; so mine simmered for 3 hours and then I threw them back on at noon the next day for 3 more hours of low simmering
- have another beer or two
Step 2 - the main event
- Open a beer and consume, sit down, repeat 3-4 times; reference step 1 for family protocol issues
- dice a bunch of onions - 3 should do
- dice 1 big ol' green pepper;2 if you like
- cut two chorizos up - about 1/8-1/4" thick
- press about 5 cloves of garlic - more if you like
- put in a bunch of olive oil in big ol pot that can hold a boat load of stuff - mines about 12-16 quarts wider is better than deeper
- throw in the onions, green peppers, and garlic (aka. the trinity of all foods) - saute everything up until it's "happy"; yeah - throw hat chorizo in too;
- happy is how you should be feeling about now; if the oil is all absorbed, throw in some wine - enough to get things simmering again
- now throw in all the chicken; you're going to brown this chicken - so get another beer (or two)
- so you're flippin chicken and the whole house is smelling like the Columbia by now - probably better, cause this is your deal
- take out the blender - have another family member make some pina colodas - I use the Bacardi cans in the frozen section; they recommend 1/2 can of rum, but I use at minimum 7/8 of the can - and by that point you might as well fill 'er up; here's the tricky part - while simmering chicken you need to have 1-2 pina coladas - optional cold headache; no drinking an driving for the cook. No drinking and driving for anyone.
- you get style points if you offer the Mothers some red wine as well
- so..the beans are happy, the chicken's getting happy...you're getting happy...family is getting happy cause they know that chow is gonna be awesome
- get that cheap bottle of wine - drink some if you want, but it's cheap so why bother - get 3 cups of wine and throw it in the big ol' pot
- if you did it right you're out of wine - so now add whatever it takes to get 3.5-4 cups of liquid in the chicken
- throw in the rice; so all that sauted stuff and rice are in one pot.
- bring all of this to a boil; stir it up; cover; let sit for a while 15 min or so
- have another beer; because you're on your feet from this point out...
- warm up the oven to about 325 or so; cut up Cuban bread, but not all the way through; shove a bunch of butter in there to the point where you know it's not healthy for ya; put it in the oven - set timer for about 12 min
- buzzer goes off - optional another beer and frankly at this point you're on your own on the whole beer thing; turn off oven; check the chicken
- more than likely the chicken is to soupy - so you gotta boil out some of that liquid from the rice; take the top off and simmer that bad boy - tell everyone food is on in about 30 min
- stir and simmer chicken, simmer and stir chicken
- recruit another family member - no mother's - and have them make a salad - I did our because I was on a roll... eggs, red peppers, raisin, onions, cheese...whatever you like throw it in - put that aside
- get the bread ready
- get the beans ready
- now this is where timing is everything
- get another pan (and another optional beer - but only professional should saute shrimp while drinkin' a beer - seriously you could screw the whole thing up right here); put some oil in the bottom of that pan - nice and warm; throw in that shrimp - saute that too; while it's sauteing move to next step
- get the biggest friggin' serving plate you have and after you have the rice and chicken where it's all happy, throw all of that chicken and rice in one plate; by now you should be pretty happy, but not everyone else is - so ya gotta make it look good; spread it around; get some paprika - why - it doesn't have much flavor? But yellow and red look awesome on a plate - so throw a bunch around;
- then get that shrimp - throw that all around - all pretty and everything
- if you have parsley throw that in to, just a touch on the side; jazz it up so people think you know what the hell you're doiong
- Editorial : I wanted to throw in some mussels, stone crab, and lobster, but that was getting uber expensive - in the old days we used to just go to Biscayne Bay and catch all the stuff and then have my uncle make it...but I digress
- then say grace - thank all the moms for being moms and wives for putting up with us
- red wine with dinner - toast the moms again for even MORE brownie points
Step 3 - Closing the deal
If you REALLY plan it out - have some guava pastellitos from your favorite Cuban bakery, but frankly Publix is pretty good or a flan; I was lazy and went with the Publix Key Lime Pie - awesome; Cuban coffee for those who want it.
Step 4 - Fallout
Make sure you have about 3 more beers left - the kitchen is a cat5 mess, but I clean as I watch fishin' shows on Sunday night.
Servers about 10-12; double the recipe and get a case if you have a parrandon.
Easy enough...chicks dig it.
Photos stunk, but damn it was good.
